Out with the old, in with the new...

To my dear friend...

This post is directly for you and I apologise for maybe looking like I am taking the cowards route with all of this by posting on this 'infamous' blog. I am in fact trying to spare an awkward conversation/arguement. I just want to say my piece so you can understand 'why' and perhaps even do something about it, i'm not sure...

I realise I have had more than my fair share of dilema's and problems over the last year or so. You have been there for me like a true friend and I really do THANK YOU :-) It's only in situations like that you realise who your true friends are and I know hand on heart that you are one of them. I feel priviliged to have you in my life.

Lately I have come into some information leading me to doubt how truthful some who are close to you in particular are actually being. Your good nature lending a hand and being the best friend you can possibly be has perhaps created personal conflict with you and a loved one. They have had to go along with certain things mainly to keep you happy but are very begrudging and are becoming more and more two-faced...

I was really upset to hear their personal views about me, especially as they seem very nice/genuine to my face but behind closed doors is the complete opposite... I'm done with negative people in my life. You of all people know how many negative-minded people I have flitting in and out of my life.

I have thought long and hard about the next thing I am about to say... If that is the way they truly think of me then perhaps it's time to make a clean break. I am sick of people who don't even really 'know' me thinking the worst. Thinking they can judge a book by it's cover and even try to make you feel like I am awful...

I have really tried hard to be a friend to them, make them feel 'part of the family'. Yes I know I have had to beg and borrow, but I would never 'steal' from you (I know I have not been accused of stealing - but I can sense the hostility they radiate towards me as if I am fleecing you and taking the p**s).

Please know that if you found yourself in similar situations I would be there 100% for you. If my other half ever thought badly and said even half the stuff I am talking about - I would show him the door fast. You are my best friend and anyone who speaks badly of you is no friend of mine...

It is for these reasons I can not bare to have anything to do with this 'said person' and pray you can understand why. They obviously have too many issues with me, and frankly they are not worth fighting for in my eyes. It will be no loss for me but a dilema for you and I can appreciate that. I'm not asking you to choose, I would never ask you outright to do that. Just please accept my decision to move on and feel free to talk through this with me.

I love you and miss you always x x x

Well that made interesting reading...

Anyway....

The other half and I are on and off still with our 'views'/general life! Basically the good thing now is we are being frank and honest. There is a lot of things for both of us to work on and face up to. I know that now...

We won the court case, it has all been adjourned. Case dismissed.

I now owe a lot of people money. The first people I intend on paying back is the friends/family who lent me money. It's the worst feeling in the world to owe someone you love money. It's a constant guilt trip spending money on 'something nice' when they are probably thinking 'well hang on a minute... you could be paying me back if you can afford to do that!' Yes, will definately be paying them back first. My mind is at breaking point even just thinking about it...

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We have all three girls here now for the summer holidays. Little Madam still has this week in nursery (today and tomorrow morning) and then she will have the next two weeks off to enjoy with her family.

Like it or lump it?

Everyday seems to end in tears. Not just tears from my thoughts but actual pushed tears provoked from the other half constantly battling with everything I say/do. Nothing is right and everything is wrong. That's how I feel right now and IT'S GOT TO STOP :-(

Everyday I have the same arguments based on the other halfs over-reaction to NOTHING. What the hell is his problem coz I sure as hell don't know any more. He is driving me insane and quite frankly I don't know if he is worth it any more.

I was ready to marry him YEARS ago and he says he was too but he is just waaaaay off ready.

I have begged him to take a good long look at himself and his selfish attitude. He makes promises he just doesn't intend on keeping. EVERYTHING revolves around him and his needs.

FUCKING SORT YOURSELF OUT YOU SELFISH SELFISH BASTARD...

So yeah.... GOT THE JOB!! woop woop! I'm still about to lose the house. Will have to hope we have an angel looking over us in court on Tuesday but at least I can finally say I will have a monthly wage coming in which is more than I have had for the past year or so... (stupid bus cuts meant I lost my last job grrrr still very bitter!)

Happy 18th to my sister A on the 10th.... I miss her soooo much :-(

I can't really express myself very well at the moment on this blog hence the lack of posts recently. I just feel to overwhelmed with everything that is going on lately. I got the job, i'm about to lose the house, the other halfs advert is showing on tv, we got a car....
To top it off we are about to have the kids for three weeks with literally no money :-(
I can't even think about my 25th next month it's all just sooo rubbish yet I know as of January things will have dramatically improved!
Bring on January 2013....