Happy Birthday Mr BPM :-)

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. It will be 4 years that I have been with the other half. Not all of our time has been good but some of the best moments of my life have been with him and I will definately treasure those moments forever. We are really skint so can't afford to do anything nice. We are going out on Saturday for the other half's xmas work do (lol) we have the babysitter all set up for litte madam.

I'm at the point in my life where I feel like i'm walking through thick mud. Everything around me is happening in slow motion and it all seems to be going wrong some how. I'm not sure what I want anymore. Not on the bigger scale. I know what I want in terms of I love the other half and can only hope he loves me just the same. He says he does but I have learnt not to take things at face value to save disappointment... and of course little madam is my sunshine, my everything. I can not imagine not being a mum. My gorgeous cats are also my life. They hear everything I say and watch my every emotion. When I walk through the door, just having their attention warms my heart and hearing them purr makes me feel like I am worth something in this life. Sounds ridiculous I know but hey....

I hate crying so much. I hate little madam witnessing my tears, especially as she is at the age where she now says 'mummy what's wrong mummy? are you alright?' x x x
I have been talking through my emotions with a councellor, he thinks it is healthy to get everything off my chest and sort through all my thoughts.

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